Black Widow - The Wait is Finally Over

Black Widow is finally hitting theaters today after being delayed over a year due to the pandemic (and like 9 years of fans asking for it to be made but that’s beside the point). Scarlett Johanssen (hereafter to be referred to as ScarJo) stars in this action packed movie about the origins of Natasha Romanoff, alongside Florence Pugh, Rachel Weiss and David Harbor. I promise no spoilers (but like if you haven’t seen Endgame get out of here) in this review but I’ll try to give you a good idea of what you’re walking into.

Most importantly if you know absolutely nothing about the movie, have seen no trailers or anything, you do need to know when it takes place on the MCU timeline because Nat is gone at this point (the MCU is in 2024 as far as the movies and tv shows go). Black Widow is taking place fairly immediately after the events of Captain America: Civil War and well before Infinity War.

What did I think? I’m glad you asked. I enjoyed this movie quite a bit. There were definite moments that called back other movies in the MCU (one specifically that was just *chefs kiss*) and I think they were well done. There was one jump scare that actually got me and I wasn’t expecting to happen. And this film is packed with action. You will get to see Nat in all her glory really do her thing and fight hand to hand. Not just fight but going against people who are on her level. At the center of everything is a family story that we get to see unfold over the course of the movie. Florence Pugh delivers as the younger sister type (and hold up the accent really well) and ScarJo plays disgruntled older sibling perfectly. Rachel Weiss and David Harbor as dysfunctional parents really work together and are hilarious. Overall this movie was a really good action flick with a good family story at the center.

“It’s a fighting pose. You’re a poser.”
— Black Widow

Good on Paper - Is it good on film?

Good on Paper is Netflix’s newest comedy written by and starring comedian Iliza Shlesinger. The story is a mostly true story based on a lie. Let me explain. Our main character Andrea Singer enters into a relationship with a man who lies about his entire life; his job, his house, his money, where he went to school etc. Now obviously Iliza embellished and made it way funnier than it probably was when it happened to her but I’d guess this is an “inspired by true events” tale.

Something I wasn’t expecting was the way the story was told. It’s narrated, which is something I find hard to pull off without being too campy or annoying, but the way its narrated is what matters. The entire story is told by “Andrea” as if its a stand-up set. Which really plays into Iliza’s strength as a comic herself.

As a huge fan of Iliza, I’ll admit to being a bit biased (that doesn’t mean that I’d lie if it was bad, which it wasn’t) but that being said I strongly recommend this movie. If you’re looking for something light and funny to watch as you are scrolling through Netflix, this is a fantastic option. It’s a hilarious commentary about not only relationships but also the way Hollywood operates. I suggest grabbing a glass of wine and having a night in this week and watch this movie. And after that I highly recommend checking out Iliza’s stand-up specials also available on Netflix if you haven’t already.

“Dennis is a cuddle-fish. It’s like cat-fishing but worse.”
— Good on Paper

Godzilla vs Kong - Battle for the Throne

Godzilla and Kong are finally battling it out in theaters and on HBO Max, and you know your girl was ready. Just putting this out there, I am definitely team Kong and i am not taking any team Godzilla arguments at this time, thank you.

The fourth installment of this film franchise picks up after Godzilla: King of the Monsters (and after Kong: Skull Island) in which (spoiler warning for previous films) Godzilla took down Ghidorah and all the other titans proving himself the true alpha. The last time we saw Kong he was living his life out on Skull Island protecting the people. This movie picks up by telling us that Godzilla and Kong have an ancient rivalry and expanding much more on the hollow earth theory of the franchise.

Now I know what you’re all wondering: do I need to have seen the previous 3 films to understand this one? The answer: not really but maybe. Let me explain. If you are just here for a giant monster battle and don’t really care about the plot then no, you’ll enjoy this. If you want to actually know who all the boring humans are then yeah probably, but on that note, I watched this with my dad and he hadn’t seen the previous installments and really enjoyed this movie.

As far as I’m concerned this was a very enjoyable monster fight movie. I got three rounds of alpha battles and felt like it wrapped up the plot of the franchise very well, while still leaving space for a follow up. I’ll probably be rewatching this as part of a monster battle movie night (Pacific Rim is also on this list).

“Kong bows to no one”
— Godzilla vs Kong

Tiger King: It's Not Really About the Tigers

Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem and Madness is the latest phenomenon sweeping Netflix viewers nationwide, and boy was that a wild ride. I normally don’t fall victim to watching things just cause people tell me to but this is one I am so glad i watched (is glad the right word?). The show follows Joe Exotic (for the most part I think) and is a seven episode crazy train that you will never escape. Honestly all the episodes kind of blended together into a kaleidoscope of insanity. “Em, what is Tiger King even about if not tigers?” Well dear reader it is about a lot of things. Its a classic story about rivals, murder, sex cults, gay men in Oklahoma, crime, politics, Florida, and like a little bit about tigers. And ya know what, I probably missed some stuff too so you should honestly just climb aboard the crazy train: next stop, the GW Zoo.

I’ll leave you with my thoughts on each individual episode (ever thought is followed by “what is happening”:

Not Your Average Joe - “Oh. This guy is bonkers”

Cult of Personality - “YOU CAN BUY DYNAMITE”

The Secret - “Oh, this bitch killed her husband”

Playing with Fire - “Well this is nuts”

Make America Exotic Again - “I don’t even know who is worse, this guy or Trump”

The Noble Thing To Do - “How did this turn into an FBI sting operation”

Dethroned - “This show describes Florida to a T.”

“I’m the mayor, the prosecutor the cop and the executioner.”
— Joe Exotic, Tiger King

Cats - Seeing is Believing

Cats is the 2019 film adaptation of the incredibly popular Broadway musical (and I do mean “incredibly” because why the fuck is it so big) and boy was that an… experience.

Ok this movie was bad. I have so many questions for Tom Hooper (the director) and for Universal. Why did this get greenlit? Why spend $100 million on it? Why did you advertise TSwizzle in it when she’s barely in it? Why couldn’t they either go full on actual cats or have actors in costumes like the musical? And the biggest question of them all: Why Cats?

The cats are humans who have ears whiskers and fur, but not on their hands, because they want me to have nightmares. Rebel Wilson and James Corden are in an SNL sketch about Cats. Jennifer Hudson and Judi Dench are vying for Oscars. Taylor Swift is just excited. Everyone else is far too serious and Ian McKellen is the only person playing a cat. Cats is already the weirdest musical ever and I don’t get why it is so popular, but the movie is worse. I’m going to be thinking about this film for years (can we even call it a film.

Overall, literally everyone should absolutely see this movie because you have to see it to believe it. I don’t know if I want it to flop or make a billion dollars. But it will definitely do one or the other, there is no in-between.

“Was he neutered? Those are some high notes.”
— Cats (2019)

Avengers: Endgame - The Movie Event of our Generation

Avengers: Endgame is here (and no, I will not spoil it, I promise) and should you do whatever it takes to see it? Honestly? Yeah, you you should. And do it before the internet spoils the endgame for you.

This movie, this event, is quite literally history in the making. I remember watching the first Avengers movie (I was 13) and it being the first action movie I ever liked. I hadn’t seen Iron Man, or any of phase one yet but I remember thinking that it was funnier than I thought action movies were supposed to be. Now here we are, 11 years after Robert Downey Jr. became Iron Man witnessing the biggest movie event in our lives. I’ve never sat in a theatre that packed on a Thursday night opening.

There isn’t a whole lot I can actually say about the film without spoiling it so I’ll just end this by saying don’t spoil the endgame, cause it’s really something you need to see for yourself.

“You know, my motto is ‘Excelsior.’ That’s an old word that means ‘upward and onward to greater glory.’ It’s on the seal of the state of New York. Keep moving forward, and if it’s time to go, it’s time. Nothing lasts forever.”
— Stan Lee (1922-2018)

Hellboy - Hell Raising Good Time or Start of the Apocalypse?

The Hellboy remake is in theaters now, was it a hell of a good time, or should you avoid it like the plague? Keep reading for my hot take.

Hellboy is the reincarnation of the the Ron Perlman classic from 2004. This time the titular character is played by David Harbour, alongside Sasha Lane as Alice and Daniel Dae Kim as Agent Daimio. The movie was a violent flick about the end of the world, and Hellboy was it’s reluctant hero. Now I personally quite enjoy a reluctant hero because that is funnier than someone who wants to save the world. If you like good action, another retelling of King Arthur (although a slightly more interesting one) and rock music, then you will probably like this film. Kim’s English accent is spot on and Harbour did a hell of a good job as a demon in very intense full-body makeup and prosthetics. Sasha Lane might be my new favorite actress as well. Now take this with a grain of salt as I am saying this as someone who has not see the Perlman version (I will be watching it as soon as I finish this) but I think it was a pretty good R-rated action flick.

So should you buy a ticket to see Hellboy in action? Hells yeah (sorry not sorry).

“You should really quit while you’re... a head”
— Hellboy (2019)

Little - Does it Measure Up? Or Did it Fall a Little Short?

Little, starring Regina Hall, Issa Rae and Marsai Martin is in theaters now. How does it measure up to comedies of old? Why am I making all these short jokes? Keep reading and I’ll let you know.

Regina Hall stars as tech company founder and CEO Jordan Sanders. A grown, rich bully. Isaa Rae plays April, her assistant just trying to get her shot with a new app and not kill her boss in the process. Jordan gets turned into her 13 year old self (played by the wonderful Marsai Martin) and oh boy is this reverse Tom Hanks Big situation hilarious. And yes, I know I have now talked about that movie two reviews in a row, deal with it. Not only is this movie funny (duh it’s a comedy) but it also has a lot of heart. And considering that Marsai Martin pitched this movie and is the youngest executive producer in history at 14, I’d say a little Black Girl Magic was involved. I hope lots of people go see it (and considering how sold out it was it’s doing pretty well so far) and can all obnoxiously quote the movie with me and laugh.

So go out, support Marsai. Have a good time and laugh a little (I swear that was the last one).

“Some people will keep you from living your best life. Don’t be one of them”
— Little

Shazam! - Was it all hands on deck?

The newest installment in the DCEU (thats what I’m calling it and I’m not changing my mind) Shazam! comes out on April 5th. Is seeing that guy from Chuck as a superhero worth the ticket price? Keep reading to find out.

Shazam! stars Zachary Levi, Asher Angel as our titular hero, Jack Dylan Grazer as a reputable sidekick, and Mark Strong as our lead villain. This is Angel’s first feature film, as he is currently on the Disney Channel show Andi Mack and he knocks it outta the park. He plays 14 year old Billy Batson, a foster kid who is given a last chance in a group home after running away multiple times from other places. Grazer (you’ll know him from IT) plays the loveable Freddie, a disabled foster kid in the same home as Billy. This movie could be described as Big (Tom Hanks) but with a super hero and yeah it kinda is. What I wasn’t expecting was this film to have so much heart. The trailer’s show it as a very funny discovering powers origin story, which it is. But its also a tale about what makes a family, and if it’s more than just blood. This film is actually really good, and I’ll probably go see it again (which means I really liked it a lot). Now I don’t want to give any spoilers so I’m gonna stop talking now.

And all hands should be on deck to see this movie when it comes out on April 5th (you’ll get it when you see it).

“And his name, is... Captain Sparkle-Fingers!”
— Shazam!

Fighting With My Family - Will it have you cheering from the front row, or up against the ropes?

Right off the top, no, you don’t need to know wrestling to love this movie. And yes, you will love this movie. You might even kinda sorta like wrestling after seeing this movie. Which was an accomplishment for me, considering i hated it before and i now respect it. Now on with the actual movie.

The movie is about Paige (Saraya is her real name) who rose to WWE stardom at the age of 18 (and it’s got very little to do with the Rock). She comes from a wrestling family and she gets a shot. This is 100% an underdog story, but its also a story about family, about being yourself (even if you’re a freak) and fighting for your dreams. I was honestly really touched by this film. Florence Pugh pulls off an incredible performance as Paige as well as everyone else in the film.

Overall I’d say I loved this film, and if you don’t, I’ll give you a receipt (you’ll get it once you see it which I assume you’re doing right now).

“Don’t be the next me. Go out there and be the first you”
— Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson - "Fighting With My Family"

Aquaman - Did it Sink or Swim

Aquaman starring Jason Mamoa and Amber Heard splashes into theaters this weekend. Did it manage to keep its head above water? I say yes. I also say that I’m going to keep going with the ocean puns.

DC has now graced us with a badass version of the titular hero portrayed by Mamoa that i actually respect and dare I say loved (wow, me loving Aquaman, this must be a parallel universe)? Mamoa portrays and Aquaman who is a strong fighter outside of the sea and the writers also managed to make talking to fish really cool and useful. Instead of the campy orange and green wetsuit we’ve seen Aquaman in before (sorry if you’re a fan but its dorky) we got a practical (and dope) body armor that Arthur (spoiler maybe?) had to earn. But most of the movie we had a shirtless Mamoa (again, thank you writers and James Wan) kicking ass.

But the film isn’t without faults (you gotta be real nerdy to get that). If you aren’t a huge stan of the DC Atlantis lore that this movie will be harder to follow. I defiantly did not get all the Atlantis info in one watch and I still don’t completely know what Arthur Curry’s powers are (other than talking to fish). In Act two they through out the words “Atlantian Steel” which I didn’t know existed until that point and now I want some. I also didn’t know that the seven kingdoms of Atlantis didn’t all live in Atlantis (outside the trench people cause duh) until the beginning of the third act.

But overall it give this film two flippers up (too much?).

(P.S. This movie is just The Sword in the Stone but under the sea and starring Thor, tell me I’m wrong)

“This is BADASS”
— Aquaman

Spider-Man: Into the Spider Verse - Thiwpping to Theaters this Weekend

Sony is still holding on to those Spider-Man rights tight, but should they let go? Well if they keep going in the direction of Into the Spider Verse, then my answer is absolutely yes. This film met and surpassed all expectations I had going into it.

The film focuses on MIles Morales, which was a pleasent change from all the Peter Parker stories we have seen in the last few years. And I have to give it up for the animators because they took a comic book and literally put it on a movie screen, it was breathtaking. The film also managed to be funny, heartwarming and just a little inspiring (you’ll know what I mean when you see it).

Overall (and I’m not over exaggerating here) I think this was the best Spider-Man film I’ve ever seen and one of the best superhero films (nope definitely not exaggerating). So should you see this? Yes, 100%.

“We are all Spider-Man”
— Spider-Man: Into the Spider Verse

The Hate U Give - Something to Live for, Something to die for

The Hate U Give, starring Amandla Stenberg, Common, Issa Rae, Anthony Mackie, and Regina Hall, is based off the book (same title) written by Angie Thomas. Now the title will make sense once you either read the book or see the movie (actually do both). I went into this movie expecting big things and now I am here to give my completely biased, totally unasked for opinion.

This movie (also read the book cause its great) was incredible. It deserves all the praise it has gotten so far and I’m just going to keep the train going. Amandla gives a powerful, heart wrenching, performance as Starr (two Rs, and don’t you forget it) as well as all the other actors. I laughed at parts sometimes because they were funny and sometimes because they were real. I cried… a lot. And I think (I hope) you will too. It showed the dynamics of several black families co-mingling together as well as how after a tragedy a community comes together to fight for justice. It also shows how difficult code switching can become once you realize how often you are doing it. Starr is put in a horrible situation and she manages to be the light in the dark finding her way through it. I think this film is special in a way not a lot of movies are and tells a really important story of things that are happening to my fellow Black Americans right now in this country.

Over all this movie, cast, and book are amazing, and when I say “I love this for us” I mean it to the bottom of my heart.

“THUG LIFE
The Hate U Give Little Infants Fucks Everyone”
— 2Pac

Robin Hood - Bullseye or Off Target?

I went to see Robin Hood starring Taron Egerton and Jamie Foxx last Saturday and I’m here to give by honest and unasked for opinion (seriously no one asked for this). And here it is:

If you are going to see this because “that guy from Kingsman is cute and he is gonna shoot a bow and arrow for an hour and a half” then stop reading cause you’l get what you want out of the movie.

Now for those of us (i.e. all the nerds like me who think we are film critics) who expect a little more, here we go. Foxx gave a good performance (I am biased, I love him) and Eggerton played a fun charismatic “Robin of Loxley”, but my issues aren’t with the acting or even the general plot. My biggest critisim is that it seemed like everyone involved was brought into a board room told, “I want this movie to be timeless” and then was given no further instruction. Its a Robin Hood story, and his weapon of choice is a bow and arrow, this is obviously taking place in medieval times, and the set pieces and some of the dialog reflect that. But the wardrobe is a hodgepodge of 2018 and 1518 (plus everything in between) and they look more like they’re going to a party at the capital in the Hunger Games than in Nottingham.

Overall I’d say, you could duck out to go to the bathroom and not miss anything too important. Robin Hood gets a very sarcastic “Love this for you”. Now please enjoy the cheesiest quote from the movie.

“If not you, who? If not now, when?”
— Robin Hood (2018)